Identity

who am i? am i this or that? this morning i almost got sucked into watching youtube vids about how to be a hooters girl, since they seem to have great social power. however, this flirty attitude and predictable appearance is to dumb oneself down and be a lesser being than a man.

think about it. if there were a restaurant where male waiters had to become lesser in order to impress women, that wouldn't last. why? because men have their pride and would feel embarrassed or ashamed to be employed with such work. and to belittle themselves to women? this just demonstrates that women truly aren't equals in our society.

if i desire attention and power as a female, i am to sexualize myself. every effort is to be put into my appearance - what i assume a man would approve of or desire. if i were to be my true self, however, that could be seen as threatening to a man. therefore, with our society's standards, i would be unappealing and lose the competition for power when compared to a man.

this got me into thinking about stereotypes. we want to look a certain way so we can identify with a certain group. we want to be accepted and to fit in. what happens when we don't fit in? most people will modify themselves in order to fit better with a group. youtube is full of tutorials teaching people how to look a certain way.

compare childhood with adulthood and teen years. as a kid, you identify yourself with your name. as a boy or a girl. an age and a grade, perhaps a favorite subject in school. favorite animal and color. favorite food. everything else is composed of things you enjoy: sports, hobbies, imagination, creativity. you don't make these things your identity, you just immerse yourself in them. you don't think about what others think. whether they approve or not.
then you become a teenager. suddenly other perceptions of you matter very much. you immediately try on different identities to see if they will make you acceptable to others or not. you push your own identity into a little corner of the closet, and proceed to make yourself miserable by trying out different roles in order to gain acceptance.
then comes adulthood. you start to see how similar people are, despite the differences. recognize the struggles that we all face. still unhappy though, still wanting acceptance. why is it so hard to find ourselves?

it's because we have spent so many years trying to deny ourselves. it is because we live in a society that only recognizes well-defined stereotypes. race, religion, music, school degree, clothing, sexuality.

i don't fit anywhere. i don't know if i am religious anymore, i enjoy holiday/disney/rap/classic rock/native american/pop music, love comedy/romantic/animated/nature movies, love to wear my bathrobe and pajamas, but also love to look classy and put together (despise looking frumpy, which is how everyone in my major dresses), care about my appearance (Env Ed people don't seem to), have issues with the concept of monogamy, hate religious tradition (esp. the wedding ceremony), don't ever want to be a parent, love any and all animals, am a minimalist yet a pack rat, hate social interaction but love connecting with people, feel uprooted and disconnected from my spiritual place (the home i grew up in), miss my dog every time i think about her, regret some of my past and fear it will come back to bite me, feel empathy for transexuals and transgendered individuals, rediscovered my passion for reading, i am selective with friends, committed to those i care about, distant from relatives, love my alone time, need to keep my 5 senses stimulated, fascinated with self-help and spirituality books, love learning about other cultures and anything that is "other", etc.

speaking of other, thank you to pharrell williams for starting this movement. i hope it gains momentum.
http://youtu.be/iGBnOZ43vJM